i don't want to think of you as ugly.

"Son, fear is the heart of love."

Everything about you still guts me. Straight up from the stomach past the ribs and to the throat. Empty myself of all the love and hurt you stuffed inside of my like some doll you wanted to make more real and more solid. But you never checked to see if there was a real heart and lungs and blood inside. I've still got your fingermarks in the pale skin of my wrist from when you took me by the hand and told me to jump. And so you drowned me in the sea with the salt still stinging in the wounds and stitch marks. Held me under, swallowing sand and sea water waiting to spit out a pearl. I'd string it on gold spun thread and place it around your neck.The stars in the sky don't shine as bright as the ones in your eyes-

Everything I hate about the world, I see in you, and in turn I've fallen in love with the world.It doesn't even hurt anymore; but this lack of feeling is a thousand times worse than anything you have ever done or said
or haven't done
or haven't said

You're lovesick in sinks, but pretty girls make graves- babygirl, save that skeleton for your casket. I'll replace your cotton lungs with love and hurt and stitch you back up. Drown you in the sea.

So tired.

like the passing of some great star

i'm not quite sure what to do with myself, now.


and there are pieces of you everywhere, worn and smudged and falling apart. even the best of us do.

onwards and upwards then.

i'm chelsea. i'm ordinary. none of that nonsense about changing your life. you'll probably forget me. we all tend to forget each other. i'm not incredibly complex, and thats ok because why would i want to be? who doesn't want people to understand them? i'm a kid. the kind that has music running through their veins instead of blood. i write notes to my future self on the inside of my wrists. my dream is to have my words brighten peoples days. right now that dream lives in chicago, i am counting down the seconds until my flight takes off. the only reason i believe in love is because of this one girl but that is enough for me. i tend to make a fool out of myself and make people laugh, and i'm perfectly content with that as long as i keep everybody body smiling.

i've decided

maybe the reason we wake up with hearts intact only to fall asleep with them dented is: one day when the latest imperfection is hammered in by clumsy hands we can look at the scratched golden surface to see its been molded into something else. something beyond, something beautiful. and to see the smudged fingerprints of everyone who has touched that heart. to know that they live, and you live, and will continue to. to march onwards. to let the smallest light shine and reflect on that heart and push away just a little bit of the darkness. just enough to see each others faces and smile. to find each others hands in the dark.one day i will make everyones hearts glow for even just a moment and the darkness will clear. and we will see the beautiful place we are in.

dear god, dear songs, dear words, dear loves: this is what i believe in.

nothing will ever feel the same as this

" it's so hard to talk about you, not because I don't love you with all of my heart but because our relationship is so different, so complex. I've pushed you out of my life more than once, but I always let you back in. Because without you...there's a gap. There's no beautiful words. There's no beautiful girl on the phone afraid to tell me they love me. There's no one that thinks like you, theres absolutely no one else like you. And I love that. No matter how many times i'm fucked over, no matter how many times I come to you crying, giving up, you reassure me that there's someone out there, to keep loving, to keep fighting. And I doubt it, I honestly do. But I will keep trying, and fighting, and loving. for you. because of you. It's so hard to explain what you mean to me. I'm almost afraid to talk about it. And I don't know why. I hate how you automatically cry when I call you crying. I love hearing you talk and just your voice. It's calming. It's safe. Don't ever think that you don't mean a lot to me, don't ever think that I don't love you, because I do, firefly. You've been with me through a lot. through it all. you know more than i let most people know about me. you know me and one day. we will meet. "

jack be nimble

think i lost the spark