sic transit gloria

she's an empty threat
sleeps in an empty bed
buries hope under the floorboards.
hears shaky breath, wills herself to forget.
no dreams, just numbers and figures, gotta pay the rent
every silent minute strung with malicious intent.
why do we wish upon dead things?
puppet hung on lonely strings, come to keep me company tonight
(fight off your demons, keep your skin under the light)
we talk about the way his ages is marked in the rings in the wood
become more honest than rings on fingers ever could.
and i, i look at you and feel like singing;
your kiss a question i want to spend my whole life answering.

and yet, i love so much it hurts my head
the heart, the horror, the touch, the dread.
(should have loved a thunderbird)
touch your skin, my throat, it sings.
(a thunderbird would come around again in spring)

i don't want to think of you as ugly.

"Son, fear is the heart of love."

Everything about you still guts me. Straight up from the stomach past the ribs and to the throat. Empty myself of all the love and hurt you stuffed inside of my like some doll you wanted to make more real and more solid. But you never checked to see if there was a real heart and lungs and blood inside. I've still got your fingermarks in the pale skin of my wrist from when you took me by the hand and told me to jump. And so you drowned me in the sea with the salt still stinging in the wounds and stitch marks. Held me under, swallowing sand and sea water waiting to spit out a pearl. I'd string it on gold spun thread and place it around your neck.The stars in the sky don't shine as bright as the ones in your eyes-

Everything I hate about the world, I see in you, and in turn I've fallen in love with the world.It doesn't even hurt anymore; but this lack of feeling is a thousand times worse than anything you have ever done or said
or haven't done
or haven't said

You're lovesick in sinks, but pretty girls make graves- babygirl, save that skeleton for your casket. I'll replace your cotton lungs with love and hurt and stitch you back up. Drown you in the sea.

So tired.