i'll write this song to win your kiss but stay asleep instead

today i walked through the fog crushing dandelions grown up through the concrete and dreamt of driving through the city. i'd hook up an apparatus filled with gasoline and mark my path through the streets like some explosive form of breadcrumbs. ignite. and watch the world burn.

its not as sick as they think it is.

you are the worse habit ever. 'you can't miss what you never had'. exploding too slowly for anyone to notice. you never start the rescue effort during the calm before the storm. you wait for the waves to crash and roofs to fall in and water levels to rise. you wait for the death count. and try to salvage what you can. measure your losses. i'll fuck up the city of my bones and muscle so bad they'll leave me as ruins. a sign of what not to become. atlantis, crushed on the sea floor. legendary.

i'll sing for you until these nicotine lungs collapse. smoke and ash under my tongue, surrounding my teeth & gums. addiction underneath my fingernails. count your wishes on my ribcage. one day my liver will put in my two weeks notice, how many years after my heart.

you are still my worst habit. i'm not as sick as they say i am, i swear. fuckedfuckedfucked.

carved into my tombstone: "don't try." you are the epidemic beneath my skin. you always remember your first. thinking you love someone is just as bad as loving/hating them. you've got these tired eyes all the time. but i'll think of you every day until i die. until i rot.

glass passenger

he said, "i can die as well as any man."

neuron love.
machine gun heart.
fire at anything that moves.
the glow hollowed out my beins.
a key is useless without a lock &
we traded trust for deadbolts and shotguns.
ruby slipper wishes
if home is where the heart is
mines been burnt to the ground
ashes stuck to your soles
the dead dont make a sound
black hole head
nothing shines behind shuttered lids
underdeveloped & overexposed
i want to know things about you that
no one else knows.

down they forgot as up they grew.

what do i do now?

you are the one person i would crash cars with all night

but i can almost see that silver band on your finger already.

"there is one person on this planet that i would love to lay on a curb with and count on the stars.

its too bad you are asleep."

secret oath

talk is cheap.
and i've got short arms and deep pockets.

i guess what i mean to say is the way the last light played out against your skin makes me sick. bubble and fizz.
warm hands pressing for mine in the dark.
i spoke about pale skin and freckles
held those tarnished keys to my lips.
everyone always asks.
i say, it just seems right.
love songs on every station,
and my whole mouth just tastes like cheap metal.
metal and bone.
he looks at me like he knows im playing a game.
not like sorry or life
like chicken on the highway
he turns off the headlights and strays into the next lane just for me
laughter dripping down your chin
"how alive would we feel with concrete in our skin and steel crashed into our mouths"
he says he doesnt know.
turn the dial, another love song.
the key turns my lips a strange color that lasts the rest of the night.
he breathes on my neck before i go to sleep,
i turn on my side and wonder if tonights the night i dont wake up from.

freckle freckle what makes you so special.
i dreamt that you tugged cigarette fingers around my wrist and cried with de(e/a)r in the headlight eyes wide open
ribs whittled down like a skeleton

woe

that boy burns like a furnace.
nicotine lungs,
smoke em out.
strapped down, hospital bed crawl,
they tell him, "and breathe out."
release/sing/unlock/unwind.
she asks, did you know hearts look like fists covered in blood?
and he breathes out.
she asks, did you know that if you fold 1000 paper cranes your wishes are granted?
and he breathes out.
tangled in red string, hung from the moon.
dreams hooked up to hospital machines, flatlining and eyes glossy.
the vodka makes her waltz like a ballerina.
you'd never know the difference minus the redrimmed gaze
and the way her breath washes over you like a hangover.
got a body of wax
a heart of glass
your mouth tastes like metal and bone.
and breathe out.

get in my bed, i wanna kill you

tell me how that concrete tasted digging into your bones
an elixer of blood and teeth
that house is alive
it breathes and whispers and you creep down hallways
for you my heart unfurls like a flag
for you i have hurricanes in the back of my mind
thunder bursting in my spine, floodgates in my eyes.
when it comes down to it
i guess we'll just wait and see
hung my heart on a hook and threw it out to sea...

i must confess i am in love with my sins

lovesick in bathroom sinks
lions with teeth roam city streets
digging shallow graves into your wrists
your empire will fall one day
scars up your spine, make your dreams mine
at night I’m just running reels of white noise and static through my eyes
wake up with ashes smudged in your lashes
blood underneath your fingernails
up in arms
“ ‘theres plenty of fish in the sea’, quip pretty fishermen in stocked lakes and fish farms”
i don’t need streets paved with gold
or your fucking hourly wage
i just want to get through the night without clawing at my throat
aching for breath
one day we’re going to use up all our wishes
and the stars will die out
when you’re alone in that darkness
who is going to hold your hand?

i don’t care where you head lies, as long as it is close to mine.
i don’t care what you think, as long as its about me.
tell me if I smashed you head in how good would the secrets that pour out be
etc, etc.