does he lay awake listening to your breath

worried you smoke too many cigarettes

i am in love with the most beautiful girl in the world

i found this and it made me think of kayla:

“People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.”

silly bear, i want you to dream again.

collide like dying suns

catch lightning in your killing jar
tack your luck to the wall like moths or butterflies
birds with stiff wings and glass eyes that dont sing you to sleep
shed feathers onto your floor
the inside of my mouth is all cut up
maybe from eating nothing but my own words
you'd think by now i'd have learned enough to speak what i feel
sick of being so damned tragic
stitch up your mouth and tape shut your eyes
sing yourself some lullabies
dream of a little king who read the bible at night
and the girl with blonde hair who dies in the moonlight
every other tuesday (including major holidays)

nothing but a goddamned traitor
very still, very quiet.

your timing is off

i won't eat anymore because i think you might be poisoning me
you have a habit of ruining the mood
the planes fly low over head and with whats left of my fingernails
im digging into the skin beneath my lids
you talk about the bills that need to be paid
you talk about how you have to go to the dentists soon maybe
you talk about how he's leaving on saturday and how you have therapy
and i mention how now you have something to talk about.
"what makes you think you could ever escape this?"
he could end up at the bottom of everything.
crash into the deep blue sea while everyone swallows their film and downs shots and
drag their fingers over the black box.
on and on and on
hang up redial
on and on and on

vampire hours
truth be told the thing i'm looking forward to most is crawling out the window at night
without his watchdog eyes gleaming with the reflection from the tv
my lungs are swollen with the breath i'm holding waiting for you
i wonder how long it takes for the heart to decay

what i wouldn't give to feel your bones digging into my knuckles
you can't talk without teeth
thank fucking god maybe i'll get some sleep tonight

i honestly think you're poisoning me.

in other news: you. babygirl lookin so sad. you. bleeding out in the dirt. shine so bright its insane.
i have some secret words i found to share, i am in love with this person i don't know but i would like to live and sleep inside of their words for a while.

do what you need to be happy

death is just natures way of telling you to slow down.
the hardest part of all of this is realizing i'm okay without you, i hope you are the same way.
and its not so much regretting anything as knowing now it didn't have to be done.
my faith is on the path to renewal right now, maybe i'll run into you on a lonely city street some night.
i've been listening to a lot of spill canvas and bright eyes recently, its putting my head back in the right place.
finished perks of being a wallflower again.
two years ago it completely rearranged everything i am, and it did it again.
not so much anything that happens in the book but the way it is said and how maybe i've looked right through some people who are like that, and how much i might be missing out.
i bet somewhere in this world there is someone who happy and in love right now and sometimes that is enough for me.
does that mean i'm okay too? when you are happy other peoples happiness is nice to see as well, but when you're not, it hurts or makes you angry.
maybe this is me trying to be a better person.
my hands aren't even cold right now, and you are humming in the back room with the shades drawn.
dear god the things you do to me.

tongue stitched up to the roof of my mouth.
kept some wishes in my back molars but your mouth tricked them out of hiding.
threw up fairytales in the bathroom sink but now you're living one.
in the cemetary there is an angel whose face is black and bruised and has ink under its fingernails.
cold to the touch.
voodoo doll on lonely strings. your skin is so pale and i can trace the bluepurpleblue veins trickling up and down under it. over muscle, over bone. i never had a mind to make out constellations but for some reason i remember each freckle on your wrist or cheek.
dont throw stones at glass hearts.
i would cast a spell over the whole city if it meant stopping the noise for a moment.

currently: in love with words and voices, still taking some time off. listening for your voice every five seconds.
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

and maybe you're just around the next corner

or maybe i'm just not looking hard enough.
right now my heart is on a redeye transcontinental flight from new york to l.a.
or chicago to miami.
from here to there and back again.
point A, point B. no point me.
he is probably in love with someone who throws up a hundred dollars after every dinner
who has measurements stained across her waist.
save it for your casket.
i've spent so many years clawing at the wood and nails.
everythings splintered, everyone scattered.
its not the same one moment to the next.
tucked your tears into vodka bottles beneath your bedroom floor.
one foot in your bedroom, one foot out the door.
purring and lurching like an engine in your chest.
treating hearts like cars. always trading up.
the stars at night aren't as big and bright as you make them out to be-
and every wish we make is on stars beamed out ages ago.
or they bleed into the moments just after 11:11.
give in give out or give up.
or just sleep for a while.
let the sandman steal you again.
go to neverland and play pretend.

stop believing and you start falling.
they say experience is the best teacher...

oh darling i know what you're going through

"You’re like a fire fly, a spark, a glow, a match in the darkness. And I will go wherever the light takes me. "

moth wing skin.
fall to pieces beneath your fingertips.
the only converstations that matter are the ones between
your hands and someone elses skin.
i was born for the small of your back.
the headlights illuminated the veins threaded beneath
the paleness of your skin
caught the light and exploded into viole(n)t color.
the only ones who want to burn out quietly in the night are the tired and defeated.
i've still got the spark in my veins to keep me warm
now that you're not here putting out cigarettes on my lungs.
did you hide his bones beneath your floorboards
the walls have ears thet lean in to listen

dream to remember, sleep to forget.
here's to no more promises.
to not giving a fuck.
to watching the blood wash down the drain

i can barely feel anything real

happiness is overrated. i think i'll just sleep a long long long long time & hope i wake up where i'm supposed to be.

if i'm supposed to be anywhere.

you & i always made more sense written down than standing up

But I'm afraid to keep on living without you.

they say there are plenty of fish in the sea. but i dont want fish. i want you.

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

and kiss those dying ears so softly that the reaper stops to swoon

galaxy eater.
swallow constellations until the stars ring your insides like tiny christmas lights.
my breath rises up like smoke & i think of you.
i'm sorry if i'm making this hard.
i'm sorry if i ever make or made you sad.

i just wish you hadn't told me i'll always be alone.
i just wish you weren't right.

"if you can hear me, knock twice on your casket door"