like the passing of some great star

i'm not quite sure what to do with myself, now.


and there are pieces of you everywhere, worn and smudged and falling apart. even the best of us do.

onwards and upwards then.

i'm chelsea. i'm ordinary. none of that nonsense about changing your life. you'll probably forget me. we all tend to forget each other. i'm not incredibly complex, and thats ok because why would i want to be? who doesn't want people to understand them? i'm a kid. the kind that has music running through their veins instead of blood. i write notes to my future self on the inside of my wrists. my dream is to have my words brighten peoples days. right now that dream lives in chicago, i am counting down the seconds until my flight takes off. the only reason i believe in love is because of this one girl but that is enough for me. i tend to make a fool out of myself and make people laugh, and i'm perfectly content with that as long as i keep everybody body smiling.

i've decided

maybe the reason we wake up with hearts intact only to fall asleep with them dented is: one day when the latest imperfection is hammered in by clumsy hands we can look at the scratched golden surface to see its been molded into something else. something beyond, something beautiful. and to see the smudged fingerprints of everyone who has touched that heart. to know that they live, and you live, and will continue to. to march onwards. to let the smallest light shine and reflect on that heart and push away just a little bit of the darkness. just enough to see each others faces and smile. to find each others hands in the dark.one day i will make everyones hearts glow for even just a moment and the darkness will clear. and we will see the beautiful place we are in.

dear god, dear songs, dear words, dear loves: this is what i believe in.

nothing will ever feel the same as this

" it's so hard to talk about you, not because I don't love you with all of my heart but because our relationship is so different, so complex. I've pushed you out of my life more than once, but I always let you back in. Because without you...there's a gap. There's no beautiful words. There's no beautiful girl on the phone afraid to tell me they love me. There's no one that thinks like you, theres absolutely no one else like you. And I love that. No matter how many times i'm fucked over, no matter how many times I come to you crying, giving up, you reassure me that there's someone out there, to keep loving, to keep fighting. And I doubt it, I honestly do. But I will keep trying, and fighting, and loving. for you. because of you. It's so hard to explain what you mean to me. I'm almost afraid to talk about it. And I don't know why. I hate how you automatically cry when I call you crying. I love hearing you talk and just your voice. It's calming. It's safe. Don't ever think that you don't mean a lot to me, don't ever think that I don't love you, because I do, firefly. You've been with me through a lot. through it all. you know more than i let most people know about me. you know me and one day. we will meet. "

jack be nimble

think i lost the spark

the naming of things

i've got this awful feeling in my chest
like the world just ended when i was about to take a breath or
blink away the tears. the chills up my spine remind me of the night you stuck your fist through the window and the cold air rushed in searching for warm corners of the room.
i can remember the scars on your knuckles much more than i can remember your face.
you only come here when you are hurt or sad, i hope you never come here again. kept our feet tucked under each other and read our fortunes, the scratches on our palms and the bottom of coffee cups. the stories of shadows on bedroom floors and hearts dug out of chests. the blood on his hands when he looked out the window. pulse stuttering out of his skin with her hand fisted in his collar.god, you make me believe in god. if i turn around right now your eyes will be dark like when you just wake up, and your fingers cold like they always are.
i know you'll try to touch me and i just can't hold it in anymore.i've got this awful feeling in my chest and all i can think to do is press my fingers into the grooves between your ribs.

dream to remember, sleep to forget.
the way you make make heart beat like machine gun fire
i've got the death toll written all over my face. i dream, and trees grow in the streets, bird sing. i sleep, and your edges start to blur and fade.

take a breath, blink away the tears.

"i solemnly swear i am up to no good"

home

what i exist for comes down to this.
this moment.


"boomerang my head, back to the city i grew up in..."